My Wife and Fantasy Football

A marriage is only successful if the couple in question share a similar core value system.  My wife, Amy, and I are both politically moderate, we enjoy the same types of music and movies, we are both achievement oriented, we believe in the importance of education, and we love our little boy more than anything.  The problem is that she fails to share a core value that I have: fantasy football is awesome!  In fact my wife hates fantasy football.  It is quite possibly the only thing that we don't see "eye-to-eye" on.  Could this be a threat to our marriage?  I hope not, but before we go too much further, let's get into why the awesomeness of fantasy football is not only a value I share, but a value shared by America and thus should be valued by my wife.

American football is without a doubt the most popular sport in the United States and it is not close. That was not always the case.  Just twenty years ago football and baseball were virtually on par with each other in terms of popularity.  A shift took place around that time, and I believe that shift was fantasy football in conjunction with the fact that football shows better on television than does baseball.  I've heard that anywhere from 30 to 47 million people play fantasy football every year.
As a result, it is a phenomenon, dare I say an American value. 

So let's look at this logically.  It could be argued as the reason for the popularity of football.  It is played by 47 million people.  And it is an American value.  What is Amy's problem?  You might remember some of those logic exercises we did in school, like if Amy is a woman, and women are always right then Amy is always right.  Well let's put her to the test.  If fantasy football is an American value and my wife does not like fantasy football then she must be anti-American.  Isn't that the way it goes.  Let's try another.  If 47 million Americans think fantasy football is awesome, and my wife does not think it is awesome then she is apparently not a patriot.  Yeah, I think that is solid logic.  Socrates would be proud.  I am an American patriot and my wife is not because I think fantasy football is awesome and she does not. 

The question is, how can we get my wife to see the light and become more American ("Merican" if you like).  Maybe you know what I'm talking about.  Maybe you struggle with the same threat to your life-long partnership.  Check this out.  Amy rolls her eyes when I get online to check the drop/add list.  She looks at me with a blank look whenever I begin to tell her about the great trade I made.  She zones out when I suggest my acquisition of Aaron Rogers may result in a fantasy football title.  She fails to stop at Starbucks when we are traveling long distances on Sundays so I can get a wireless signal and check the progress of my team.  I don't understand.  She and I are not in alignment.  And she is something less than supportive when I throw things across the room or growl like a wounded animal when I discover I've lost to the "Teabaggers" or "DaBoys" by a point when my opponent's Quarterback throws a bomb for a touchdown in overtime on Monday night. Where's the empathy???  Does she need thearpy or a "re-education"program?

I really don't know the answer.  So I ask you ladies and gentlemen (most likely gentlemen), what can we do to help my wife...maybe your wife to understand how awesome our passion is?  Our marriages could be in dire straits if we cannot help our wives. Do we hire life coaches for them?  Do we use reverse psychology ("No sweet-heart, fantasy football is not at all important to me, how do you feel about it now)?  Something must be done.  Without a solution they may flee to Canada (because they are un-American) or some other dude. 

Toy Story Trilogy: The Greatest of All-time According to My Son

It seems that the Twilight trilogy is going to become a hexalogy (or double trilogy if you like or just too darn much if you don't).  This should please many young women across the world and cause consternation to many young men forced to watch the next three installments on date night.  I know I'm looking forward to it (tongue in cheek), and I'm not such a young man (but my wife will always be a young woman).  The excitement for Bella and Edward's marriage is palpable.  However my son Augustus says it is all "hogwash."  Actually he just turned two in September, so he actually said something like "Gee goo, maa, daa-eee."

Augustus believes that the creators of the Twilight series can make as many stories and movies as they like, it will never compare to the greatness that is the Toy Story trilogy.  Of course there have been great movie trilogies (or hexalogies): Star Wars, The Godfather, Rocky (looking forward to number six where Sly enters the MMA ring to face Brock Lesner after Lesner's character "Killer McGee" betrays their friendship by cancelling their fishing trip to hang out with the multi-talented Dolf Lundgren (Ivan Drago) in Aspen , Pirates of the Caribbean, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Shrek, and the list goes on and on.

Augustus makes a compelling case for his assertion.  Each of the three movies are original, rich in storyline, and just plain entertaining, no matter your age.  Augustus goes on to compare Toy Story to some of the others, or maybe he just wants more milk.  Not sure.

While many may say the Godfather trilogy is greatest ever, Augustus sees flaws that Toy Story does not have.  First of all, Godfather is very violent.  Augustus would rather watch stories (or as he says, "stor-eeeee") with limited violence that does not depict anyone being physically hurt.  Although in Toy Story 2 the Prospector bunches Woody in face and slices his arm with a pic ax.  So there is violence, but in the end everyone is okay.  Augustus also believes that Tom Hanks' Woody is superior to Al Pacino's Michael Corleone.  Corleone is a reluctant godfather wishing he could  leave the family business, having to make tough, ruthless decisions like having his brother eliminated, hiding much of what he does from his wife, and every time he thinks he has a way out, the family business pulls him back in.

While complex in character, Michael Corleone does not compare to Woody.  Woody is the leader of a village of toys that sets the mission for group.  Woody and everyone else is there for Andy, their owner.  When a usurper comes to challenge Woody's place in the hierarchy, he reacts selfishly only to later find that he is better than the selfish acts he committed.  As a result, he goes on to save the usurper (Buzz Lightyear) when he could have eliminated him (Michael Corleone would have let Sid launch Buzz on the rocket to explode in the Stratosphere).  Woody is also challenged by the possibility of being thrown away or sold in a garage sale. As a result he wrestles with finding another purpose in life, i.e. joining Prospector, Jesse, and Bulls-eye in a Tokyo toy exhibit.  He also suffers significant loss later in the trilogy, losing the love of his life, Bow-peep and his boy, Andy.   Corleone never faced challenges of this kind.

Augustus also believes the Rocky movies are overrated compared to Toy Story.  While the first Rocky won an academy award for best movie, my toddler believes that the first movie is the only one that is high in quality.  Rocky Balboa is a "down on his luck" character that gets a chance of a lifetime to fight for the heavy weight title.  Rocky proves up to the challenge even in loss.  Augustus loved the story line, but felt the subsequent movies try too hard to be bigger than the next.  As a result, each becomes either over sentimental or just over-the-top.  By Rocky V, Rocky is street fighting with his protege' while a Don King like character makes overly emotional facial contortions in a mink coat on the sidewalk . It proved to be a poor effort to what was a great first movie.

There was no drop off in quality in the Toy Story series.  In fact it could be argued that each Toy Story movie was better than the previous one.  Augustus believes that Buzz Lightyear (performed by the acting genius, Tim Allen) is one of the better hero characters of all-time.  Buzz works to save Woody from an individual that steals him from Andy and seeks to make a fortune on his sale to a Japanese investor.  When Woody loses himself in what might negatively happen as Andy gets older, Buzz brings him back to purpose, which is to be Andy's favorite toy.  Always a voice of reason, Buzz is a brilliant ying to Woody's yang.  Plus Buzz has cool gadgets, can speak Spanish, could perform on Dancing with the Stars with his moves as a Latin dancer, and falls with style.  Rocky never had the footwork of Buzz and is limited in that his only attributes are a great left hook and an iron jaw.

Now for the Twilight series.  Twilight has vampires and werewolves interacting with humans in a high school setting.  It seems that the alpha males from each species are extremely attracted to Bella, a skinny 16 year old girl who just moved in with her father after her mother decided to go on the road with her minor league baseball player fiancee'.  In the end (or is it just the beginning) the vampire alpha male, Edward, wins Bella's heart, and impregnates her with a vampire baby that is draining her life force.  The werewolf alpha male, Jacob, takes on the classic "best friend" role and watches as the love of his life falls for another.  Jacob sits by, emotionally hurt, but understanding.  Augustus said that Jacob was a wimp, and that if he were a werewolf he would fight the vampire to the death for the love of his life.  Actually I think he said he just wanted his pacifier.  Nonetheless Twilight stretches one's willingness to suspend disbelief, whereas toys communicating and going on adventures is very believable to Augustus.

Augustus can go on and on about the superiority of the Toy Story trilogy to other so-called great movie trilogies or series.  But he is sleepy and says it is nap time.   But he leaves us with this, watch all three Toy Story movies and see if they are not three of the best movies you've ever seen.  He bets that you will find it to be the case.  And please don't come back with any stale arguments about the stellar acting of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow even coming close to performances of even Toy Story's secondary characters like Don Rickles as Mr. Potatohead, Joan Cusack as Jesse, or the incomparable John Ratzenberger (Cliff Clavin from Cheers) as Hamm.